Well Yuki’s post on his blog made me think of my own experience of slowness in my current movement. The previous movement was one of oscilation between different aspects (one job or another, one relation to another), and I even tried for my relationship to create a multiple relationship expression… Well that wasn’t really what I wanted, even if I accept this monogamy belief, I don’t necessarily want to create a multiple romantic relationship.
Now, after the oscillating effect, many things seem blocked or immobile, even at times they seem to go backward. In my work it manifest as a slowness in the new company to make their offer (contract and salary and so on), in the everyday life it manifests as strikes all around the country, and in my relationship it manifest as my ex-boyfriend (who still lives with me) can’t find a proper appartment, either he doesn’t like them or he’s not the chosen one amongst many.
Well these oscillating and now immobile movements make me wonder if I’m in the center of a seesaw, in a manner of speaking… Maybe if I just explore this centeredness in myself, in my own innerworld, I may manifest more quickly what I want. Though I’m still in the process of exploring “WHAT DO I WANT”. It seems easy but it’s trickier than I first thought. It’s not a matter of knowing what do I want to distract myself and make me unnotice the time and myself until someone or something really interesting catches my attention… It is more like what do I want to express now. It is directly related to my intent which is strongly about exploration of expression of self / aspects of consciousness.
Well when I look outside I feel very frustrated because I’m still seemingly creating separation and vacuity. I have created a signal with my teeth about that. They hurt when I’m strongly judgemental or when I’m strongly focused on “the void of my life”. Practicing “being present” enhances the recognition of this creation… not of the void, but of myself expression “there is a void” and it seems desperate though inside I’m not. When I focus my attention on self it is perfect in it’s slowness, it is gaining force and momentum… in a manner of speaking it is gathering energy, aspects in this movement I’m choosing. I’m gradually expressing different aspects of this / these movements, not to overwhelm myself. And I continue to express some beliefs about consideration and about image and so on but it is for me to understand them.
In understanding them I’m not necessarily making them unexpressed, some of them I like much.
Each day I’m adding new aspects and new elements in the expression of this direction, and even if my attention move “backward”, it is a manner of familiarizing myself with the flexibility of consciousness between seemingly opposites and a manner in which I’m familiarizing myself with the range or the intensity… I’m playing with intensity and with many many focus lens… Continuously adjusting them to generate a different perception and different creations. It’s a fascinating movement and I’m incorporating more of these lenses and of the recognition of my ability to manipulate them.
Hahaha, here I leave you with some subjective energy deposit 
November 14th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Or perhaps better than the pendulum imagery which implies that there is a “backward movement”, think about the planet Mercury
At times it seems to be retrograde, but it never cease to move on… It’s just that its apparent movement that we see from the Earth is a backward movement…
Guess that your current standpoint is moving quicker than the point where you’re looking at presently
November 15th, 2007 at 12:32 am
is that a wink, Araili?
other than that, I am enjoying your blogs. Thank you for the energy deposit.
>:D<