Since the past few days, some threads of my attention had been involved in the listening of inner sounds. This time it is not only a matter of listening to these inner sounds, but also a matter of how I’m generating them. As I want to explore more physically the lights and the manifestation of the objective through photography, I want to explore more subjectively the sounds which are also vibrations. In both cases I want to direct my attention and my perception in certain ways to create different manifestations.
In the first case, it seems to be a reproduction of the outer reality. In the second case, I really have no idea of what I’m going to find.
What attracts me in the photography is the manipulation of lenses and other parameters like aperture size, time, sensibility and so on. I’m not currently in the direction of looking for the best pic ever 
though it’s also a way for me to explore my preferences : what I like to look at, and how I like to look at, and how I can manipulate the tools I’m using to emphasize some aspect or another, or create something completely different.
It is a way of exploring the connections between me and the outer world.
My body and my mind have always been very responsive to sounds. The response is not always what I would expect, and it is not always reproducible. Somewhat it depends on how or where my attention is directed, but I can also notice some preferences of tones, vibrational frequencies, harmonics, colors… I ride them like a wave and it seems like I adapt my own vibrational quality to the music.
I can buffer it, but most of the time I do not.
Sounds like a spinning washing machine are making me feel sick. Most of the engines sounds are unpleasant if I focus too much on them, especially if they are of a low frequency. I feel them in my guts, very quick beat frequency of a low vibration… like a hammer.
I prefer drones, like bagpipes, didjeridoo, it’s like it’s more in harmony with my own inner vibration which feels very wide to me and helps me connect or orient my attention inside or to the other side.
My current exploration of the inner sounds helps me recognize my own vibration in the midst of the countless ones of a crowd, like when I’m in the metro or in a big mall. My energy is easily merged with that of others, and opening myself got me some hard times when I was absorbing too much of that “outer” energy and I was not able to differentiate it from my own. Most of the time it was like I was feeling depressed or sad or afraid with no reason at all. Or I was feeling guilty for an unknown motive but it was quite strong and it was increasing the tensions of my body because I automatically tried to protect myself from those energies in contracting my body at the very same time I was opening myself widely.
In noticing the differences of my energy and of that of others I can feel it as when the light of the sun is momentarily hidden by a cloud, or maybe that the temperature of the air is suddenly freshen with the breeze. It is merely the movements of energies in which I am merged and evolving, like a fish in the ocean, currents are moving in such or such a direction and I can choose to let it influence me or not.
As I can feel the energies of all those people and the energy currents that are not of essence also, my own energy is intertwining in this big soup, and how I direct it is also influencing. I’m quite motivated to understand how I direct my energy and how I can manifest it and what I can manifest in moving in certain directions. Listening to my inner sounds seems one mean to understand that. I can feel better now that it is not coming from my mind as we understand it. It is not driven by my thoughts. It is different and vaster.
Recent impressions