Arailiberty

Continuing my exploration of how I project my energy in relation to work since I wrote the last article, I’ve been incorporating lots of change. Last Monday I faced lots of pressure and tension since there was an incident with one of the application I have in charge. It was one of many, and I’ve been involved for so long in this particular role that I am taking responsibility for what is happening even if I am not directly involved.

This was one of the last big pressure I imposed myself and the next day, when another incident began I looked briefly at the mail and I made my decision: I told my colleagues that it was their turn to take care of everything, I had other things to do. This made me realize that I was the one putting the heavy burden and the pressure on myself. Nobody was telling me to do it, and when everybody was coming to me and begging for help, it was only because I was responding and taking responsibility. This decision on Tuesday showed me I could stop that self-imposed ordeal.

I am now gradually removing my attention and my presence from the different activities I was busying myself with and it feels a bit strange, but it is the direction I want to follow. Another indication that I was the one not wanting to let go of all that.

At the end of the day today, I’ve been facing an opposition coming from one of these “old” activities and I felt a strong and intense response of opposition myself, and other people were adding to that direction of opposition. I made another decision, not to oppose and not to compromise either. Coming home, I was still feeling that energy of opposition and tensions, and that’s when I realized that I was projecting my attention in the direction of the continuation of that situation. Another analogy came to mind.

I thought of a video game. You don’t begin at the beginning, so to speak. There is a scenario that explains you what had happens “before” and what is the situation, and you have to continue from that point.

Nothing really happened “before” the point when you enter the game, but there is a set of information available and a direction. You have memories of what happened “before” and the events also seem to evolve as if they were consequences of what had happen “before”. In that case, for the sake of the story and the drama, it is interesting to pretend it had happened “before”. But it is not always necessary.

Imagine a board of mahjong. In the real life, so to speak, someone would pile up the pieces and that’s in a way “what happened before”, but when you play the mahjong on your computer, there is no “before” so to speak and it is not necessary for you to know how the pieces were piled up, even if in your thought process you can retrace how they were piled up… the animation at the beginning was here only to reinforce this association in order to make it feel more real. But, in the real life or on your computer, the only information you need from that point is the set of rules and what are you next choices (cf the picture with the number of pieces left and the number of moves still available)

Thus I’m not forced to do as if I was continuing the scenario that I made up today of opposition. I had the information I wanted, and the set of events had served its purpose. From now on I can move to a different direction and reorganize my energy.

written by araili \\ tags: analogy, game, mahjong, work