Arailiberty

Since last week I’m having many imageries about disengagement. Reflecting with friends, movies, stories, meds, feelings, dreams. I’m not considering disengaging though. The process I’ve been exploring made me think about this concept. I explore in a way the disengagement with other focuses… I’m having lots of dream with disengaged people or maybe people who are willing to do so…

Saturday afternoon I went to see a friend and took a hot chocolate, it was a bit cold, I had to give him back 2 dvds, and it was in a way kind of an au revoir. I’m not sure I’ll see him again as I’m moving in another probability that’s way more attractive and fun. This friend was with me in Vienna for the group session in June. He didn’t attend the session though. There was a strongly emotional episode for him in a restaurant. We were eating and having fun, joking and telling jibberish when suddenly he turned red, had something blocked in the throat and the others were just keeping on joking… I had the impulse to push the tables away and just make room for him, help him spit out this thing that was blocking his breathing… I broke some plates and glasses in the process, the people of the restaurant were looking oddly at what was happening

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written by araili \\ tags: aspects, disengagement, self

Yesterday I had a significant experience. It triggered many automatic responses and associations. At the moment I wasn’t quite sure or trusting myself, and I was very doubtful and uncertain of what to do or say.

I met a woman on messenger 2 weeks ago, and she told me she felt a connection. I was feeling that connection too and I was also feeling a bit uneasy with her energy. I felt it pushy and full of expectations. She had already asked me to talk to her directly, like phone or messenger audio… I’d said no then, partly because I was uncomfortable with her energy and partly because it was late and I didn’t want to talk much. She insisted strongly that I wouldn’t let her like that and that we connected again through messenger and audio. For me it is OK.

A few days ago I sent her a hug smiley on messenger but she was offline. I got an answer and she was glad I sent her that hug.

Yesterday night I was doing a med and I received a message from her. She was asking me if I was really “around there…” referring to the message on my messenger Well I just ended the med we were doing with my friends and sent her greetings.

As soon as we began talking, she asked me to call her so we could speak. I told her I was already in audio com with a friend, and I was, and that I would prefer talk through messenger. I was feeling again that pushy energy, that forcing that I was so uncomfortable with. There were no reason for me to push her away and I didn’t. We just chat a little like that and she was asking me again to call her. And she was telling me I was hiding and that she didn’t like hiding.

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written by araili \\ tags: aspects, associations, being present, beliefs, opposition, self